I Didn't Know Taking a Baby to a Public Play Area for the Very First Time Can Be Nerve Wracking

Or, doing anything for the very first time with a baby can be nerve wracking. But a play area?! Naturally, this should be loads of fun for both my son and I, but it was stressful! On a beautiful (at least day started out as beautiful. I ended up getting caught in the rain with the baby for the very first time...another nerve wracking thing that deserves another blog post!) day, I decided to take the boy out to our neighborhood Barnes & Nobles, because I remember from the last trip there, there was a little play area in the kiddie section. So I get up there, and really have to muster up the courage to plop my new mommy butt down on the soft bench with my son on my lap and pretend I'm a veteran at this. Really, on the inside, I'm kind of a wreck: is it ok that an adult sit on this bench? Is it ok that my son who can't really stand on his own is playing with these lego blocks? Oh damn! He just put one in his mouth! And now he's going to be sick with the flu and/or infect other kids with the flu...I'll just pretend I didn't see that and smile and nod at the other mommies around me...

When I finally got over that all eyes are on the newbie feeling, envy mom took over. Not long after my almost one year old acclimated to the scene, another mom with boy sat across from me. The boy was grinning from ear to ear, and more wreckish thoughts happened: that boy is so happy! Why isn't my boy happy? That boy is taller! Taller than mine! I think they're about the same age, my boy must not be eating enough or something! So I had to ask, "your son is adorable! (not as cute as mine, though!) How old is he???" Turned out, her's was 14 months...2 months OLDER than mine. Whew! Well, the boy couldn't stand without support, and wasn't THAT much taller than mine. So there! 

Regaining my confidence, I let my wee one crawl around like he owned the place. But then, I realized...that carpet is DISGUSTING!!! What am I doing letting him get on the floor like that???? But wait, lots of moms let their kid crawl all over public floor spaces. I mean, just as long as there's no obvious feces hanging around, it should be ok right? I don't want be THAT over-protective type of mom...I make fun of moms like that. That would just make me a hypocrite. So the floor it is!...ok, thats enough. I think he wants to look at the toys on the high shelf, so time to pick him up!

After dawdling a few minutes longer, I've decided we've spent enough time there. Little man was getting tired, so time to go! Now that wasn't so hard, was it???? 

ABOUT ME

I'm a 34-year-old mom of an almost one-year old. Up until now, things have been pretty easy. I was prepared for the worse of the worse. I've heard horror stories of babies keeping you up all night, spit ups, awful birthing experiences. Luckily, I've had none of that. My boy was an angel. With the except of his minor skin problems, he's had no major issues. He's a happy little person. 

I think most of the "problems" are figments of my imagination as a newbie mom. Admit it, it happens/ed to you too! Most of it, I realize, is from my lack of experience (duh) and my insecurities at being a mom. So I rely on the trusty internet. Now we all know thats a bad mistake. And everyone tells you to stop doing your "research" on the internet. I can't help it! There's so much I don't know!!!!! People (of the older generation) will tell you, "when you had a fever, we'd throw you in a bucket of iced water to cool you down." Hmmm, no thanks! I'll consult my "friends" over at babycenter.com. Thank you very much for your suggestions though! 

Now I know that all new parents have to go through a trial and error phase. But, the internet is free "knowledge!" No need for trying and erring! But ahhh, the internet does have its downfalls. It can drive me crazy. I've googled various images of various rashes, just to find out that my boy is ok...its only a heat rash. And I've ignored my mother's suggestion to sprinkle some baby powder in his neck (mom, don't you know?? The fine dust from the powder can get trapped in his little lungs!!! The internet said so!). I took him to the doctor, and guess what she suggested? Use some baby powder/cornstarch in those nooks and crannies. That'll get rid of those nasty little bumps. Looky here, it worked! Powder/cornstarch combo though...store bought...much safer (right?)!

There are so many things I don't know about being a newbie mom. I wasn't prepared for my own emotional ups and downs coupled with his emotional ups and downs. Its a great adventure for all of us. And I'm sure I will have so many stories I'd love to share. At the suggestion of two wonderful lady colleagues, I've decided to share via blog. 

I'm not a confident mom, I confess to you all. But its ok! Thats what makes mommy stories interesting!